Cool Buy Luke – Razzball Fantasy Baseball


Holds out hand towards mouse, while internet page is open to waivers, “Luke, you are my waiver wire fodder.” Cougs walks in and sees I’m dressed as Darth Vader — again — and asks me if I’m gonna be playing fantasy all night or if we can watch some foreign film about a son who is secretly in love with his mother or some crap. “I’m playing fantasy,” I scream, but that fogs up my Darth mask, and I pout, removing it. Thanks a lot! So, we’ve had Josh Lowe, C.J.Abrams, Oneil Cruz, Riley Greene, Alex Kirilloff, Jarren Duran, and now we’ve got this new youngster, Luke Voit! Okay, not a youngster, but as June turns to July, the rookie callups are mostly behind us and it’s time we roll up our Ocean Pacific shorts, so we’re wearing short shorts, and dig in on guys who can actually help the ol’ fantasy team. Voit’s been on a heater in the month of June, and he could carry that over for another week, a few weeks or even a few months. Being under 50% rostered in mixed leagues needs to end, and let me get back to playing with my Smorestroopers! (Stormtroopers I made out of marshmallows, graham crackers and dark side chocolate.) Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:


Kyle Higashioka – This guy over here with two thumbs and a mustache that stops dames in their tracks picked up Jose Trevino, so, natch, Higashioka goes off.

Jorge Alfaro – We are not the same. I sing Kendrick Lamar’s, “You outta pocket,” every time I can’t write-off expenses. I also have Jorge Alfaro in one deep league all season, and, honestly, he’s not been terrible for a 2nd catcher. Rave reviews!

Isaac Paredes – It would be super Raysqué to call up a shizzton of prospects, and the one that clicks is the guy no one cares about.

Alex Kirilloff – Here’s what I said this offseason, “(Kirilloff) needs to connect now, but I think he can. If you remove the Hard Hit numbers because he had a wrist issue, and just look at contact, they look fine. 22.5% strikeout rate is decent for a rookie, and low BABIP due to wrist. Oh, and he hit eight homers in roughly a third of his at-bats last year with a bad wrist!” And that’s me quoting me! If his wrist is fine, and it should be if his Triple-A numbers (10 HRs, .359) mean anything. Do they mean anything?! I scream at the heavens while the rain smacks down hard on my forehead.

Brendan Donovan – Most be nice to be a Cards fan. They have some who-knows-who, and he comes up and is the meow’s cat. Just get out before he turns into Edmundo Sosapumpkin.

Ezequiel Duran – You have the opportunity now to roster three Durans, and name your fantasy team, The Wild Boys, so why are you not doing this? The Zeke Duran is making the best contact of any Duran, which is prolly good since one Duran is a pitcher, and the other is a speedster.

Luis Garcia – We have Duran Duran Duran and sixteen Luis Garcias. Now is the time we implement my fantasy rule where you get all guys with same name — think of all the Contrerasses! Contrerai? As for this Luis Garcia aka Rocky III, he’s a Clubber.

Oneil Cruz – He was last week’s Buy, and I’m kinda surprised he’s still under 50% rostered. Also, on our Prospectonator, he’s far and away the best prospect for projections.

Jon Berti – The S is SAGNOF stands for Berti. Don’t ask questions.

Lenyn Sosa – Just gave you my Lenyn Sosa fantasy, use your scrolly finger and scroll on, scrolla!

C.J. Abrams – Best expectation for Abrams is Spielberg, but watered down. That was the problem with Abrams when he made the Padres’ opening day roster, Spielberg never made the Padres’ team, so Abrams didn’t know what to do. “Let’s film all these kids from their POV, but add in two monsters, instead of one.” That’s Abrams making any film. Okay, okay, OKAY! Enough of the film school nerd talk. I’m about to noogie myself. *turns to the mirror* You don’t want none of this smoke. Okay, enough kiel’ing my basa on the grill’s hoo-ha, let’s do business time. C.J. Abrams is perfect. Will he be perfect for this year? Like Bret Easton Ellis, I have less than zero idea. He’s got 80-grade speed (can steal 40+ bags), and 55 grade power (can hit 15+ homers). A 15/50 guy? We go boing. He could also have a strikeout rate below 17%. My goodness, he’s lovely. He’s everything you could want. For this year? He might not even be up for two more weeks. But I’d grab Abrams everywhere, especially if Spielberg is already gone.

Buddy Kennedy – Maybe because I watched Buddy Lee Jeans Kennedy’s first homer, I nearly made him the lede. I really liked what I saw from him. 26/24/.280-ish across the last two years of minor leagues in 150 games. Little janky since that’s 30 games at High-A, 66 games at Double-A and 54 games at Triple-A, but he hit everywhere. I’m intrigued, y’all! He might just be the best hitter to come out of Millville, New Jersey.

Matt Vierling – This guy is entirely a 7-day Player Rater hot schmotato, and not very good.

Orlando Arcia – Kinda guy who is a huge value boost for NL-Only leagues, and unlikely to even get a whiff of interest in mixed leagues to rival Odor.

Nomar Mazara – The Mezuzah’s banging on our doors, trying to get on our teams. And I am very much, just barely interested.

Jack Suwinski – Thinking about a guy who has Suwinski, Oneil Cruz, Bligh Madris and Bryan Reynolds on their fantasy team and walking around singing, “Black and Yellow,” and wearing an eye patch. Bless that guy for committing to a bit.

Michael Harris II – They say the sequel is never as good as the original, but, after sitting through the first Michael Harris, I have to say, hogwash to that. Hogwash, my good man. (Becoming a guy who says hogwash.)

Riley Greene – Already gave you my Riley Greene fantasy. (Honestly, I gave you like five Riley Greene fantasies in the last six months. I’m a big fan, thankfully with this heat.)

Josh Lowe – Here’s what I said the other day, “BDon and I go over Lowe on this week’s podcast that you can watch, rather than listen to, on our Youtube channel (click subscribe!) For those of you who prefer to read words vs. listen to them, Lowe’s 31.2% strikeout rate in Triple-A sure seems like a bad omen — like a bird flying in a house or your mother saying, “Oh boy, here comes the IBS.” Lowe needs to have a .375+ BABIP to even scratch and/or sniff a .240 average. He does have power and speed, which is always alluring. At some point, these em-effers are gonna click and you’re gonna be like, “Grey, your mustache and handsome face told me to pick up Vidal Brujan and Josh Lowe, and now you don’t seem quite as daffy.” Will that time be now for Lowe? No one knows, but that’s why we do flyers, you giant ding dong! I mean, over-the-internet friend.” And that’s me quoting me quoting a fictitious you!

Jarren Duran – Yes, I likely went over him many times before too, but I will summarize quickly for you, he’s got insane speed. One of the fastest guys I’ve seen in a long time. And he can actually hit a few homers. His strikeouts are a big worry though, and I don’t know what becomes of him when Enrisqué Hernandez returns. (Two plays on the word risqué in one post? Rawr!)

Bligh Madris – Any truth that he’s the Captain from the Captain & Tennille’s real name? Glove can’t keep us together, he needs to hit, which he’s doing.

Adam Duvall – If he’s hitting homers, he’s not not hitting homers, and, if he’s not hitting homers, he’s not not not hitting homers. Clear?

Alek Thomas – Since he wasn’t doing it with any power, I didn’t mention him much recently, but he had a nice hitting streak going, and he’s got nice speed. Prolly should be more highly touted, but the only one who can fix that is me, and I ain’t fixin’ shizz!

Brady Singer – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to its local junkyard.

Corey Kluber – This is also a Streamonator call. “He was my very good friend from when we were kids…yes, he looks like a vacuum, because he is.”

Kendall Graveman – I was going to list Joe Kelly. JK. Not his initials, I’m saying just kidding. As in Joe Kelly is a joke. He’s very bad. As in not a good pitcher. So, Tony La Russa will turn to him again and again for saves. Can someone show La Russa the Graveman? Take that however you want.

Seranthony Dominguez – I could’ve listed Brad Hand here and, what do you know, I just did! I expect Seranthony to cannibalize most saves.

Tanner Houck – Sad day when there’s only one Tanner in the Buy. Just got to nine punchouts on my Suncoast Sexy Man Tanning Salon and one more for a free sesh. Okay, fine, Tanner Scott too, if you need saves, because he’s the Marlins’ closer.

A.J. PukA’s bullpen without the injured Dany Jimenez is Puk, Zach Jackson and Trivino. One guy who sounds like puke, and one guy who is, and Jackson. My guess is Puk, and I’m not rushing to get any of them, outside of AL-Only.

Ken Giles – This is prolly more for AL-Only at this point, but, if Giles is effective, he’s going to get saves, as that’s the reason the M’s have him. I think. I say “I think” because the M’s have refused to use any guy as a closer, so maybe that’s their thing. Giles won’t be used in the 9th for at least a few weeks though (maybe month-plus), so you can hold off in shallower leagues.

Alex Lange – I was whistling through our 30-day Player Rater looking at RPs, and Alex Lange jumped off the page, as he does every time I see A. Lange in the box score, and I’m left thinking, “Shouldn’t Jackie Martling be setting him up?”


Pablo Lopez – Welp, he’s broke. This was my concern coming into the year. Last September he had a shoulder issue, and I was out on him this year because of that. Then he looked eff eye en eel–Fineel?! What? He looked great in April. Then he looked decent in May. Now, in June, he looks awful. His velocity is way down. So, what likely happened was he felt good in April and part of May because he had six months to rest. Now, it’s catching up to him, and his shoulder’s not hundred percent. I’d be looking to offload damaged goods, before all of your opponents realize it. I wouldn’t trade him for a napkin once used by Dom DeLuise, but I would go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.

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